You do not need to forgive your offender for them to receive forgiveness. You only get the opportunity to become a channel of forgiveness which is Love’s healing power towards them. The beauty of being that channel is that you become a partaker of the very grace you are chanelling. If you refuse to become a channel of forgiveness when needed, you become cut off from forgiveness while they can access grace and mercy directly, without you.
You are not the forgiver, God is. By refusing your offender the grace God wants to bestow freely on them, you are working at cross purposes with Love and although you were wronged, you become cut off from grace and mercy. Although they wronged you, they can still receive grace and mercy while you end up in disgrace.
We often assume that the offender has it easy. No human born of a woman is able to be at peace when they hurt others because it goes against our very nature which is Love. The torture they suffer is much worse than that which they inflict.
It is traumatic to be on the receiving end of pain but it is more traumatic to be the one inflicting the pain or the one offending the innocent. Why else would Judas hang himself? Why else would Peter weep (not softly but) bitterly after coming to the realization of his betrayal of Jesus?
Wanting to crucify your offender is an indication you need more understanding. Your offender is already being eaten alive from within and the intelligent response to their offense is compassion. For anyone to inflict pain they must be in pain. Please don’t multiply pain on earth by nursing resentment. Instead, channel healing by forgiving them, even if they shut themselves up.
Jesus’ act of forgiveness on the cross is not a mere moral act. There is deep intelligence behind it. Forgiveness is more therapeutic for the offended than for the offender. Forgiveness heals the forgiver even if the offender refuses to acknowledge wrongdoing.
Your offender does not need to be open to forgiveness for you to forgive them. Their only qualification for forgiveness is their offense. When you forgive them, you are forgiven, healed, cleansed of your own wrongs and wounds. Offenses therefore become opportunities for your own healing not just from the effect of the offense at hand but from the effect of every wound in your life.
Forgiveness is a glorious opportunity occasioned by offense. Rather than nurse resentment and plot revenge when offended, which you could be self-justified in doing, celebrate when you become offended because you have just been given an opportunity for healing to flow to and through you.