In the last few days, I have had situations that demanded strength from within. Being a man, and living in a society and a generation where you are expected to be strong and to have all the answers, there is a tendency to put myself under a heavy pressure. I can try to fulfill society’s expectations of me by trying to hold together what I cannot hold together. I can try to appear like I have it all sorted, when, deep down I know that I do not. Deep down, I know that I need help. Deep down, I know that my manhood is not self existent or self sustained. I know deep down that my strength is dependent, my strength is weak.
It seems to me that my life will be easier if I just throw in the towel.
One of my heroes in scriptures is King David. He was a man’s man and a woman’s man if there is such a phrase. He killed Goliath and subdued all the nations around. Yet He would break down and cry. Why must a man “have it all together” when he does not? Why can’t a man cry? Why can’t a man throw in the towel? David confessed weakness, he confessed total dependency, on God. What is wrong with that? Were we not created to be images of God, meaning we need to be wholly dependent on the person whose image we are? Why must I behave like I can handle it when I know that I cannot?
I will throw in the towel. I am a man, but I will throw in the towel. Yes, throwing in the towel is an acknowledgement of weakness, of inadequacy. Throwing in the towel is an acknowledgement that there is a rock higher than I. King David said something that is taboo today,
“From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed:
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Today, especially as men, we will not cry unto anybody, our hearts cannot be overwhelmed and there is nothing higher than us. Little wonder we commit suicide. How can I not hate living when I am my own rock and I come face to face with my inadequacy. Throw in the towel. I know this is very contrary to motivational talk, but how about accepting defeat? How about accepting that I am in need. Truly, life is impossible for me and it is meant to be impossible. When all seems to fall apart, all is meant to fall apart! We are not the force that keeps anything together, not even our own lives, our families, our societies. When things fall apart, it needs to be a reminder that there is One that is higher than I, in union with whom all things consist, and I need Him.
God has made our lives easy by making his demands impossible. For example, how humanly possible is it for a man like King David to see a truly beautiful woman and not strip her in your mind if she was not already stripped? Yet Jesus Christ said, the deed is done when it is done internally. Ha!!! I know there are very strong men but I identify more with King David. Sorry, I am throwing in the towel. God has made our lives easy by making life impossible. The only response that guarantees ease and peace is for me to throw in the towel, to let God be God. Quit trying to be God. We are so weak that we cannot be God over our own lives talk much less of over our spouses, children, organizations or societies.
We have a Father who will not step in to our lives until we throw in the towel and acknowledge our need for Him. It is a mystery and I wrote about it in the mystery of weakness. Our strength as men and as humans is in weakness. We can be perpetually strong only when we are perpetually weak. I have said about myself that I am so weak that even a common blog post requires me being inspired and downloading from source. I try not to try writing anything because when I am trying, I am toiling and likely disconnected from source.
When I am connected, I am surrendered to the Source that expresses Himself through me and I do not struggle because I am out of the way. I am inspired when I am a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable. My Pastor, Bishop Oyedepo once said, “You do not have to be smart, just be connected.” Phew! It is completely liberating to know that I do not need to have a solution in my head, all I need is a heart to heart connection with the source of solutions.
This may all seem outrageous but check out Jesus Christ. God incarnate. Yet, he said, “I can of my ownself do nothing…” Is that not an acknowledgement of inadequacy, weakness and dependence? Is that not throwing in the towel?